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East County Times Newest Column |
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She's back! You may remember Michele Wojo Wojciechowski and her humor column Wojo's World, which appeared in the now-defunct Times-Herald newspaper from 2003 to 2007. Wojo continued to write humor, publishing in the LA Times Magazine, BaltimoreSun.com, and the Chicago Tribunes RedEye.com, among many others. Since she was 18, Wojo has written and performed stand-up comedy, including three appearances at the Erma Bombeck Humor Writers Workshop. She is an award-winning freelance writer, as well as an editor and speaker, and her work has appeared in publications like Family Circle, Boys Life and Maryland Life. Welcome to Wojo's World Where Life is Always Funny.
The One Tree I Will Never Hug - by Michele Wojciechowski - Brought to you by The village Gem I've always loved using the phone. Since I was a little kid, I've enjoyed picking up the receiver and being able to talk with someone on the other end of it. Notice that I said "someone." If I had a problem with a product or service, in the past I would call and talk to a customer service representative. A person. A real person with a life and loves and issues. And that person would help me with my problem. But it's so difficult to get a "live person" on the phone anymore. Which brings me to the one kind of tree that I absolutely despise - the Phone Tree. I recently needed to check something on an account that I have. I thought it would be simple. I thought it wouldn't take much time at all. I thought it wouldn't be problematic. I thought wrong… I began by dialing the phone number. Instead of hearing a person answer, I got the beginning of the dreaded Phone Tree. "Please listen to our menu, as our options have changed…" Great. Because what I really want to do right now, even more than speak with a human being, is to listen to many, many options… "For English, press 1…" I immediately press 1 because even if I would like to speak with someone in Spanish, I can't because my meager two years of Spanish in high school has left me with the ability to only do simple things like ask someone how they are, if they speak English, and count to 10 (wait, no, that one I learned from watching "Sesame Street," and then I drove my mom crazy running around counting to 10 in Spanish. But that's a story for another time). Then, what usually happens is my eyes start to glaze over. I'm listening intently to determine if I next need to press 1, 2, 3, 4…or even a combination of numbers (yeah, imagine how well I did with that Phone Tree) to get the information I need. Sometimes I don't hear what number I should press. So I just pick one. And, somehow, it's always wrong. "If you'd like to file a complaint about a bill…" Um, no, that's not what I was calling for. I decide that I need to speak to a human being. I press "0." "That is an invalid entry." Are you serious? Everyone knows that when you press "0," that means you've had it, you're done, you need to talk with a person and you need that person now. So I did what any other semi-annoyed normal person would do. I push "0" again. "That is an invalid entry." Okay, so now I'm pretty ticked off. So I begin pushing the zero over and over and over hoping to get in into the Phone Tree's technologic brain that I need to speak with a person. And, at this point, I don't care if it's a stupid person, one with an accent that makes him completely beyond understanding, or someone who's eating lunch or chewing gum in my ear. I just want to talk with a person. What comes up after I dial all the zeros in a row? "That is an invalid entry. Goodbye." And with that, the Phone Tree has HUNG UP ON ME!!! Gasp, choke, sputter… Seriously? A Phone Tree has had the audacity to hang up on me? A real person? With a real issue? But I have no choice. So I dial the number that will lead me into the tangled branches of the dreaded Phone Tree once again. And I'm greeted with a new announcement. "Do you know that you can check your account online by going to our website…" Yup. That's just what I need right now - involving another piece of technology. Actually, I decided to hang up, go take a break, and hug a tree in my front yard. That one hasn't hung up on me. At least not yet… Michele Wojciechowski, when she's not madly pressing numbers that will most surely get her anywhere but where she needs to be on a Phone Tree,writes "Wojo's World™" from Baltimore. Check out past columns and the new Wojo's Blog about her dog, Riley, on her website: www.wojosworld.com, under "My Life with Riley." You can connect with Wojo on Facebook at www.facebook.com/WojosWorldFanPage or on Twitter @wojosworldtm.
Please take a minute and let us know what you think of Wojo's World.
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